Branded
by PistGurl
Summary: Rape, shonen-ai, yaoi : SeiferxZell SquallxZell : Zell wakes up from a nightmare which changes Squalls life...why? : Not the best fanfic in the world, on this site, by this author or in the world after all else has been destroyed.
1. Zell Dreams

Diclaimer: Sue me, go on, sue me! Yes...I own Final Fantasy...I just though I'd put Squaresofts name on the boxes and everything because it was funny. I never wanted people to recognise me. 'Oh look, there's the creator of FF!' So I gave all my money and fame to Squaresoft...yeah...if you haven't guessed, I'm being sarcastic. I don't own Final Fantasy. Duh.

A.N: My first fanfic up! yaaaay flames welcome, so just RR and tell me whatever you think about it, whatever you think should be done, spelling etc. Whatever! Loads of pairings here...hope I didn't overdo it.

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!"  
  
"It's ok, it was just a dream...you're ok,"  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
The muscular, short haired blonde sighed and turned over to try and get back to sleep. His dark blue eyes glittered in the darkness, his breathing uneasily loud and jagged. He took a deep breath, gripped the duvet tight and squeezed his eyes shut forcing the emotions that were flooding out of him back down into his subconcious where they belonged.  
  
The tall shadowy figure at the bottom of his single, SeeD issued bed turned away and stepped into the doorway. He turned and held onto the doorframe, resting his forehead on it; he wanted to say something, but simply sighed, tapped the frame lightly and shut the door

"Night Zell."

* * *

"Oh, hi Squall...what're you doing up at this hour?"  
  
The broody brunette looked up from the floor to face the long haired cowboy stammering nervously in front of him.  
  
"Went to Zell's. Going for a walk"  
  
"Yeah, great! Um...well...better go...bye" Irvine mumbled, beads of sweat forming at his temples.  
  
Squall stepped past him. 

/Probably snook into some girls dorm. Whatever. I don't care./

He casually walked past the Garden Faculty, postitioned carefully at the edge of each walkway round Garden. He stopped at the only one not guarded: the training centre. The one faculty member who watched him now turned his attention to other things, ignoring the newest student to train through the night. Another kid obsessed with fighting. Now he wasn't being watched, he continued to walk round the huge circular passage in Balamb Garden. Passing the Faculty member stood at the entrance to the car park was tricky, and hearing the shout of "What're YOU doing? No wandering after hours" Squall had already thought of an excuse.  
  
"I'm warming up. To train. No monsters out here"  
  
The short, fat man in yellow dungarees and yellow hat warned him of disobeying Garden rules and left him to it.

Squall headed for the main entrance and shook his head at how the faculty always forgot by the next night. The man at the gate was asleep, as usual, so he leapt over a barrier and left Garden.  
  
Finding a moonlit spot on a banking, he layed down and lit a cigarette.  
  
"Hey...thought you quit, ages ago?"  
  
Squall looked up to see a tall dark figure stood over him, his trenchcoat blowing in the light breeze. The man sat down next to him and swept a hand through his short blonde hair. The second blonde haired, blue eyed guy to talk to Squall.

/I'm so popular/  
  
"So Ice Princess, gonna offer me a smoke, or what?"  
  
"Fuck you, Seifer" Squall growled, closing his eyes.  
  
"Fine" Seifer replied, lighting one of his own.  
  
They smoked in an angry silence, the night surrounding them in an unescapable awkwardness.  
  
"So wanting to get away from Cid and his Cronies?" Seifer asked, wincing at how loud even his whisper was.  
  
Again, silence.  
  
Squall took a last drag of his cigarette and flicked it effortlessly across the field. He lay still again, eyes closed,  
not answering Seifer's question.  
  
"How come I always get the gang on me 'cos I'm cold and nasty to you, when it's me who makes the effort and YOU who acts cruel and icy?" Seifer jumped up and glared down at Squall who had now barely opened his eyes to look at him. He turned away and walked towards Garden.  
  
"Don't expect any more niceties Squall. I did my bit, it's your turn to make the effort now."  
  
Squall waited until he was sure Seifer had gone and put his hand to his head, slowly pulling it upwards through his hair, strands of silky brown hair twisting between his shaking fingers. He closed his eyes and sobbed. No tears fell from his ice blue eyes, but he cried, cried until his head ached and his glands throbbed and his chest felt as if it would implode.


	2. Digestives

In the cafeteria the next morning, Selphie and Rinoa were having their usual morning girly chat over cups of steaming coffee and digestive biscuits. Selphie was talking about her new hair conditioner and Rinoa was listening intently, sipping her coffee and watching the Garden's students walk around their table.

"Selphie? Sorry for interrupting but, where's Zell? He hasn't been down yet and I'm a bit worried,"

"Zelly?! Oh! Wonder where he is!

Selphie looked round frantically, half expecting him to be there and then slammed her mug angrily on the table.

"We've gotta go find him!" She yelled, causing the entire cafeteria to turn silent and turn to look at her. "Sorry guys, carry on!" She flashed a bright smile at everybody and waved.

* * *

"Hey guys...come in"

Zell yawned and lay back down on his unmade bed.

The two scared girls made their way to the foot of his bed, frowned at the lazy blonde and looked at each other. Zell's face was dishevelled and tired and he was wearing only a t-shirt and boxers. Selphie walked to Zell's side and crouched while Rinoa left, sensing the two close friends needed to talk.

"Zell, what's wrong?" Selphie asked, unusually quiet and serious "I'll listen. You know I won't tell anyone anything."

Zell sighed a single laugh and shook his head which rested underneath his folded arms. "I know you wouldn't tell anyone anything I told you, but there's nothing to tell, Selph. Apart from the fact that I think I'm getting the flu,"

He sat up, facing Selphie, now sat between his pale flawless legs.

"Sorry if I worried you guys. Wish there WAS something interesting happening!"

"Zell, stop. I know you. You and me, we're nearly the same. You can't lie to me, no matter how much you try. If you don't wanna tell me, just say so."

She put a hand on one of his knees and stared into his eyes, a strange, motherly look coming over her.

"Selph, I..." he turned his head slightly to the left to look out the dorm window "I'm sorry Selph."

Zell didn't want to look back at his friend, her deep, dark brown eyes searching through him, her usual alert and pointy brown hair now soft and curled, her whole being now a form of tenderness and love. He didn't want this person to see him cry. So he stared out the window, not daring to blink in fear that a tear would be forced out and show him to be weak.

"I'm gonna go back to bed now, so, if you don't mind..."

Selphie got to her feet, looking down at Zell, her head cocked to one side, watching this distressed young man, his hair shimmering in the sunlight, his pride stopping him from talking to her. She leaned down and kissed Zell on the cheek; his cheek was moist and clammy, like it had been wet with thousands of tears but rubbed raw in an attempt to hide it.

"Zell, I love you, and I'll always be here for you" and with a flick of her hair, she left.


	3. A Secret

"Sorry Quistis!" Irvine yelled, late the fifth lecture that week.

"Irvine Kinneas! Another late? You know what will happen if you're late once more! Please try to be on time at least once next week!"

He sat in his usual seat, next to Selphie, taking off his famous hat and putting his arm around her shoulders. She didn't look impressed as she looked up at him sharply.

"Irvy, next time you'll get kicked out!"

"Yeah, I know, I know, sheesh..."

Quistis continued her lesson, playing absent-mindedly with her glasses and every so often, twirling her long, auburn hair. Squall listened to her from his seat at the back of the room, across from Seifer, who wasn't listening at all.

At the end of the class, as the students were leaving, Quistis held Seifer back. Squall watched them in the corner of his eye as she handed Seifer a small, brown envelope and said something to him, fear in her eyes and shock in his. Al Squall heard was "Your sister."

* * *

Zell was sat on a bench in the quad, as Irvine, Selphie and Squall approached.

"Hey" he mumbled and he was hugged, boa-constrictor-like, by Selphie.

"Squall, could I have a word?" he asked, tearing Selphie off him, rubbing the red patches she had left.

"...Whatever" Squall replied, his catchphrase, obviously, still in use.

The two boys walked to the drnks machine, leaving Selphie and Irvine to sit on the table, feet on the bench and kiss...a lot.

"Um...I just wanted to say sorry for last night...and...would you mind not telling any of the others?"

"Zell, I wouldn't dream of it. But what happened?"

"I..." Zell sighed...cracking open a cold can of Coke "I want to tell you, but I can't. It's too hard and I don't think you'd understand. Sorry, I..."

"Zell, it's ok, you don't have to say anything." Squall replied, placing his hand gently on Zell's shoulder.

Zell looked up at Squall, as he managed to give one of his rare, half-smiles and they both trudged back to their bench where their friends were still stuck to each other.


	4. Shots for Honesty

Zell had just collapsed on the bed, wrapping a towel around his damp body, when he heard a knock on his dorm door. He slowly dragged himself up and opened the door, expecting the fifth attack of knock-a-door-runners, but came face to face with Squall and Irvine. Squall looked away sharply, blushing ever so slightly, while Irvine creased up, doubled over in laughter, pointing at Zell.

Zell, confused, looked down, only to find that his treacherous towel had fallen to the floor, revealing his naked body to the world. Apart from the large stretch of bandage around his torso, that is. Dripping wet and very embarrassed, he grabbed the towel from the floor and threw it around himself, muttering a string of apologies and profanities.

Irvine calmed himself down, wiping the tears from his eyes and managed to speak in an almost normal voice.

"We wanted to see if you wanted to go for a drink with us...but we can see you're busy with yourself"

"Irvine, I was in the shower!" Zell moaned, embarrassed enough, without the cowboy putting masturbation images in everyone's heads.

"Yeah, sure, whatever! Anyway, you get yourself dressed and we'll all go get hammered, alright?"

Zell stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and leaned against the sink, sighing deeply.

/Pull yourself together, Zell. They've all got one too! And it's just an average war-wound...no-one will ask...no-one cares.../

He wiped his head, staring at himself in the mirror and practised his best Zelly-smile, before pulling on his clothes and rejoining the pair of boys now joking around in his kitchenette.

* * *

Irvine ran straight to the bar, while Squall and Zell sat in the darkest corner of the pub.

"Squall, I find it hard to believe you agreed to this..."

"What, I'm not allowed to have a life?" Squall snapped "I'm not ALL about the moping and fighting, you know!"

"Yeah, course not, it's just I wouldn't think you'd willingly come to this sleazy joint with loud-mouthed me and...well...him" Zell laughed, nodding his head in Irvine's direction

"Well...he did kinda twist my arm a tad"

"What'd he use as leverage?"

"Ah, I'll tell you later" Squall finished, seeing the long haired Western wannabe striding back to their table, drinks in arms.

* * *

After a few (hundred) drinks, the three men stumbled back to B-Garden, giggling like schoolgirls, loudly hushing each other and clinging to each other's shoulders in case they fell. When they reached the dorms, they trudged into Zell's room, it being the nearest...and had the most junk food...and they all piled onto the bed in a messy, drunken heap. Zell jumped up and wobbled to the bathroom, leaving the other two to stare after him in concern. He leaped round the corner again, a grin on his face, presenting a large bottle of vodka.

"Tadaa!"

"Pretty sneaky, little man! Not as innocent as you look!" Irvine jested, reaching his hand out for the bottle.

Zell punched him playfully on the arm, almost causing himself to fall in the process and then fished three shot glasses from under the bed.

"Sooo" he grinned "We need to play a nice, relaxing game to finish the night, huh?"

Irvine and Squall each raised an eyebrow and glanced at each other.

"I gots one of those evil emails...that ask you a bunch of questions for ABsolutely no reason at all! So I'm going to ask you all of them and laugh at your PITIful answers. Shots for honesty!"

Zell pulled a printed email from his back pocket, while Squall and Irvine laughed at his preparation.

"I first kissed my neighbour, Wendy, when I was 10, in my bedroom and I lost my virginity when I was...15" he said, quickly downing his shot.

Irvine frowned and raised his glass "Selphie back in the orphanage...was about 8? And 15, too...no matter what I normally say!"

Zell poured Squall's while waiting for an answer "Squall?"

"Um...I was 14 for both...the kiss was in my dorm"

"With..?" the other two boys asked in unison

"...Seifer..." Squall could practically feel an anime-style sweatdrop appearing as he drank his shot and watched Irvine trying his best not to burst into laughter.

"Right!" Shouted Zell, the others shushing him "Next question! Who do you most want to fuck? ...Well I don't want to 'fuck' anybody. Not at all!"

"Selphie" Irvine answered calmly

"Ah, Irv, you know that's not true" Squall said, snatching his drink from him and downing it himself "I checked up on where you were going all the time"

"Asshole" Irvine glared at Squall with all his drunken power and tutted "...Xu, then."

Zell's mouth dropped open in absolute shock and he stood up and pointed right in Irvine's face "If you hurt Selph, I'll.."

"Zell!" Squall cut in "She knows...and agrees!"

"Oh...!" He backed off, just in time, as Irvine fell forward, unconscious, into a heap on the floor and started snoring.

"Well that's the end of the game then" Squall grinned, standing up and stretching, before placing a pillow underneath the sleeping cowboy's head and covering him with a blanket "Go to sleep now, Zell...I'll lock your door as I go"

"That's no fair! You didn't answer!" Zell whined "And you're not allowed to leave! I'm not even tired!"

"Well where else am I going to go?!"

"Here? What?! Scared of looking like a gay couple?" Zell laughed and pouted at Squall, falling into him.

Squall fell backwards with the force and banged his head on the door, hard, wincing as Zell landed in an awkward position between his legs.

"Watch it, pisshead!" Squall yelled, putting a hand to his head and grimacing.

Zell stared up at Squall, wincing apologetically, still half kneeled, half laid between his legs. Squall stared down at him and shook his head, smiling.

"You"

"Me what?"

"The answer to the last question...was you..." Squall said, standing up, still clutching his head, frowning regretfully as Zell frowned up at him.

"I knew I shouldn't have answered...Just get in bed and go to sleep..." he sighed, turning round and reaching for the door handle.

"Squall...don't go...please...I need to talk to you..."

Squall turned to him, confused and scratched his neck where there wasn't even an itch.

"Not about this...about my dream..." Zell said quietly, turning to go sit on the bed, followed silenty by Squall.

They both perched on the edge of the bed, neither wanting to break the silence. Squall cleared his throat uneasily and looked at his feet.

"Squall...I know...he told me that..." Zell pressed his eyelids tightly shut and sighed, frowning. He looked at Squall, struggling to say anything.

"Oh Hyne, Squall...I can't...I just..."

Zell let out a huge sob and looked away, dragging a hand through his hair, sniffing and failing to stop the tears from trickling down his cheeks. Squall just watched, desperately wanting to just reach out and hold him close, comfort him. But he couldn't, he was scared and worried and almost crying himself, seeing the pain in Zell's face.

"Who told you what, Zell?" he whispered.

Zell pulled at his hair, wrinkling his nose and screwing his mouth up, like he was disgusted and literally spat out his words.

"Seifer...he..." he looked up at Squall, eyes red, face grave "He said I was just like you now"

Squall sat still, a shiver trying to force it's way down his back, his breathing growing more rapid "What did he..."

"When he looked at me, he said I looked cute...I just said "Whatever" and then he smirked and said I was just like you now..." he buried his face in his hands and cried.

"Well that's 'cause you're stealing my catchphrase!" Squall said, with a nervous chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. He reached out to touch Zell's shoulder and was shrugged off.

"squall, don't...you KNOW what I'm talking about...you know..."

"Yeah, Zell...I know...but it's just so, HYNE I hate him..." Squall stood up, quite dramatically and turned away from Zell.

"Squall? Is that...is that what you fought about? That day...when you got the scar?"

"Yeah...I wanted to kill him. But I failed. As usual...I failed..."


	5. Bruised and Broken

"Squall?"

Squall stood, perfectly still, not making a sound...it didn't even look like he was breathing any more.

"Squall..."

Zell got up and touched the silent boy's arm, gently, not knowing what to say as Squall turned his head away from him. Zell held both Squall's arms tightly, pulled him round to face him again and shook him quickly, in order to force a response. Squall let himself be pulled round, but hung his head, eyes closed, still facing to the side...his face glistening with evidence of silent tears. He frowned ashamedly, hating to be seen this way. They stood for what seemed like forever, in pain.

"Squall...why didn't you tell anyone?"

The boy swallowed courageously and turned his head, ever so slowly, to face the questioning blonde, but staring at the floor beyond them both, his eyes darting across an invisible pattern, literally searching for an answer.

"...I didn't think that..." He flicked his gaze to Zell's, with pity, understanding and regret dancing in his tearful, melting eyes.

"I'm sorry, Squall. I don't know what I wanted...by telling you..." He swallowed and sighed "I'm just messing things up, I'm sorry. You should probably go"

"Tell me about it"

"...I really am sorry..."

"No I mean...tell me about it...about what happened"

The pair headed wearily back to the bed, got as comfortable as they could for a conversation like the one they were about to have and sat for a while, watching Irvine snoring unknowingly. Squall waited patiently for Zell to begin, knowing it would be hard for him to start talking and not wanting to rush the vulnerable blonde sat oh-so-close to him.

"He asked me if I wanted to go for a drink" Zell said...coughing and laughing a single, nervous laugh "He'd been alright since the whole Ultimecia thing...we weren't really friends, you know...but we said hi every now and then...even ate together in the cafeteria sometimes when you guys were all training. So anyway, we went to a pub in Dollet and we both got pretty wasted. I can't remember much between that and the hotel, but when we got to the room, I kissed him...and he shoved me off...yelling like you'd expect him to..."

* * *

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

"I..."

"What the fuck?! Oh...you're a fag, aren't ya?"

"No, I..."

Zell backed up, stumbling over the bag he'd only just set down and found himself leaning backwards, supported by the cold, badly wallpapered wall behind him. Seifer stepped towards him, his face full of anger and disgust.

"I didn't know that about you, little Chicken-wuss" he said quietly, leaning forward to grab Zell by the shoulders and slamming him on the wall, pinning him tightly, glaring menacingly down at him.

"Seif...Seifer! I'm sorry, man...I'm too drunk...I..."

Seifer sharply let go off him, turned away and walked slowly towards a desk to the right of the room, slipping off his signature trenchcoat and resting it neatly on the chair. He stood there, with his back to Zell, silently, playing with a watch on his left wrist. Zell stepped cautiously away from the wall, rubbing one of his shoulders and watching Seifer curiously, wondering if his apology had been accepted or ignored.  
He picked up his bag and walked to the opposite side of the room, past a single bed to his left and a small, antique-looking cabinet inbetween that and another, unmatched single bed on the far wall. He placed his bag beside the bed and turned to face Seifer, who was leaning over the desk.

Suddenly, Seifer flew round and punched Zell square in the jaw, flinging him onto the bed. He stepped towards him, absolutely no emotion on his face. Zell crawled backwards across the bed, holding his face. Seifer dived at him, pinning him down once again and bared his clenched teeth, while Zell struggled, terrified, fearing the beating he would no doubt get.

/It's your own fault, Zell! How could you think he would do anything BUT kick your stupid homo ass?!/

Seifer leaned down, so close to Zell that he could feel his attacker's angry breath on his face and then he kissed him, forcing his tongue deep inside Zell's mouth. When he stopped, Zell was crying so much, his whole body was shaking and his mouth stayed half open in absolute fear.

"What's wrong? Thought you liked this sort of thing?"

Zell opened his mouth fully to argue, but was cut off by Seifer's rough, overpowering kiss. He turned Zell slightly, so he could lean him further on the bed; he had the small boy's wrists held tightly in one hand, pinning them above his head on the crisp, white pillow and relentlessly invaded his mouth.

"Zell...don't get so upset! I mean, this IS what you wanted. YOU hit on ME, remember?"

"I...no!" Zell spluttered, wriggling his wrists in a vain attempt to free himself from the tall, well-built boy who had positioned himself right on top of him.

Seifer, with his free hand, tugged Zell's baggy, grey t-shirt upwards, tearing the seams slightly, to expose his pale, scared chest...a body that had witnessed many battles. He bent over, kissing his stomach softly, almost proving to Zell just how helpless he actually was. He returned to his upright position, grinning, his ice-blue eyes and cold smirk sending chills down Zell's spine. Zell let out an exasperated breath, frowning shamefully and looking away, as Seifer leaned into him, pointing out his obvious desire.

"Seifer, please...this has gone far enough! ...please..." he whispered.

Seifer leaned backwards to the cabinet inbetween the beds and switched off the old, orange lamp which was lighting the room, leaving the boys in complete, desperate darkness, before rearranging both himself and Zell so that they were practically spooning and pulled Zell's head back by his hair to peer down at him in the darkness, his breath burning Zell's forehead.

Zell gripped the pillow in desperation as Seifer moved his hand down to tease his uninterested body and arched his back ever so slightly as Seifer finally got a reaction.

"See, Zell," he whispered "you DO want it"

Seifer ignored all Zell's screams of pain...not caring that he had to bite the duvet for relief from the terrible, penetrating pain of it...and only held Zell tighter as he clawed at his arms, tugged at his hair and begged for freedom.

"Hyne, Seifer! ...please...no!" he whimpered as his cries turned to nothing as he stopped feeling the pain, or anything else.

* * *

As Zell woke up, he could feel Seifer's arm, heavy over his waist. He tried to move, but woke Seifer in the process. He didn't feel any pain or hate anymore and just stared at him.

"Zell..." Seifer said, looking slightly shocked "...you have Squall's eyes..." Seifer snapped out of it and grinned, looking Zell up and down "You know, for a Chicken-wuss, you look pretty cute in the morning"

"...Whatever" he replied coolly.

"Damnit, Dincht! You even sound like him!" Seifer leaned close to Zell, their noses touching awkwardly "You're just like him now"

And with that, Seifer stood up, got dressed and left the room.

* * *

Zell whimpered helplessly as Squall held him, his head resting on Squall's legs. Squall stroked his fingers through Zell's soft, golden hair, not being able to comfort him as he so wanted to do.

"I...didn't want that...not like that...I just..." Zell tightened his grip on Squall's knee, grasping for understanding.

"I know, Zell...I know..." he answered quietly, as he put his arm over him, letting him know he was there, while his other hand still played with his hair.


	6. Reflections

Squall sighed as Zell fingered the threads of his shorts, shuddering as he struggled to keep his jagged breaths silent. He didn't want to upset him any more, but needed to know more about what had happened.

"When? When was this?"

"It was more than a month ago...I don't know...but...but I can tell you when he came back..."

"Came back?"

"Yeah...he came back 16 days ago...wanted to catch up... Squall, does it hurt?"

Squall frowned at this odd question and cleared his throat uneasily.

"Does what hurt?"

"The scar..."

"No...I mean...not any more...it healed. It hurts a little if I have a headache or..."

Squall was cut off by Zell sitting up, reaching out to touch his forehead and running his fingers along the raised red line they were talking about.

"No...what I mean is...when you look at it. Does it hurt to know that whenever you look at yourself in the mirror, you'll see...him...? He marked you. Does it....hurt?"

Squall closed his eyes tightly, Zell's warm fingertips resting on his forehead, just enough to keep him from being lost in his memories.

"...Yeah, it hurts."

Zell stood up, calmly and walked towards the large mirror next to the door. He pulled off his t-shirt and stared anxiously at his reflection. Squall watched as the blonde turned to him and started to unravel the thick, cotton bandage around his waist. Staring into each others eyes the boys listened to the sound of cloth falling softly to the floor and the distant sound of other SeeDs returning from a hard night's bar-crawl.  
As a door slammed shut and the echo thundered through the halls, Squall dared to lower his gaze to the fiery red across Zell's stomach.  
Squall's breathing became shallow and his eyes widened in disbelief as Zell stepped towards him once again and repeated his words back to him.

"It hurts..."

"H...how?!"

"Like I said...16 days ago, Seifer wanted to catch up...he, well...this time I fought back with all I had...and I lost...Wound up where you did; The Infirmary. Except..." Zell pulled his t-shirt back on again, flinching as it touched his raw skin and swallowing back the pain. "Except they told me that..."He wobbled, eyes clenched shut and his brow furrowed as if he was clinging onto his balance and then sank down to sit on the bed, leaning backwards for stability against the sheets and duvets. Looking up at Squall, his face was grave and drawn and even paler than was usual. "I was dead...dead Squall! For 15 minutes at least...They found me in the secret area, just...lying there...dead..."

Squall was shaking his head slightly and his mouth was half open as if he was searching for fitting words.

"He..." he started, reaching out nervously, to delicately lift up Zell's shirt again, gazing at the wound as inch by inch it was revealed.

"I should put the bandage back on..." Zell muttered and popped his head out of the t-shirt so it was held on solely by his broad, tanned shoulders. He walked past the shut-eyed Squall, bent down to retrieve the length of white from the dirty carpet and shook the dust from it.

Squall turned round to make sure Zell was OK and as his mouth opened to ask him, he saw Zell's back...and another wound, about three inches long, which was smaller than the first by about two and a half inches but still very large, very red and very sickening.  
Squall's jaw sank and he raised his arm so that the back of his hand was resting against the opposite cheek.

/He didn't just cut him deeply...he stabbed him...he must have just...kept going...Hyne.../

He got up and walked hurriedly to the bathroom, where he leaned back against the door and tried to squeeze the sight from his memory, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing as his hand tugged at his hair and dragged across his furrowed brow, leaving such a large mark that his scar faded into the uniform redness.

/Is this my fault? It is...This is all my fault. I could have stopped this...Hyne, Squall, look what you've done to him!/

He sank to the floor and buried his head into his knees, his own, drunken breath warming his face. He sat for what seemed like a lifetime, his backside growing more numb and his mind busier with every minute.

Finally, he stood up, wiped his face, shook his head and his hand hovered above the door handle; He didn't know what to say to Zell when he went back in.  
Opening the door, Squall squinted to regain vision in the now dark room; Irvine was still sleeping and Zell wasn't near the mirror anymore, unsurprisingly. Finally he saw Zell, laying in bed, fast asleep. He had one arm wrapped around his own stomach and the other clenched tightly in a fist beside his tormented, frowning face.  
As he stumbled further into the room, avoiding Irvine's seemingly lifeless body lying in the middle of the room, he clutched his head to try to stop the world from waltzing around him. He stood over the bed, looking down at Zell, his face full of guilt at having abandoned him to take shelter in the bathroom.

"...Squall..."

Squall shook his head, thinking he was hearing things and peered into the darkness around the room to check for intruders.

/Zell, you idiot!/

"...Squall..."

/Why is he...? Is he dreaming?/

Squall crouched beside the bed, resting his hand on Zell's hot, flushed cheek. Leaning forward, he planted a small kiss on the blonde's soft, pouting lips and although it had felt as though Zell was kissing back, Squall stood again and patted down a spot on the end of the bed to sit. He didn't want to disturb the two unconscious drunks by finding anywhere to lay, or by opening the door and leaving.

"There's plenty of room in here, you know..."

Zell's voice was cheeky and startled Squall, who bit his lip and stared at him for a second or two. Zell still appeared asleep, his eyes closed and now relaxed, which worried Squall about whether he'd just embarrassed himself or not. He crawled a little further up the bed and knelt, poised over the award winning actor.

"Zell...um...don't you mind?"

As Squall's whispers cut through the silence, Zell yawned dozily and half-heartedly patted the bed.

"Just don't hog the covers," And with that, he was asleep 'again'.

Squall slid off his black t-shirt and hung it over the foot of the bed, deciding to keep his khaki shorts on, as was only polite. He wriggled under the duvet and shuddered as he accidentally brushed up against Zell's legs.  
As his stomach stopped performing somersaults, he couldn't resist hooking an arm over the boy's chest, smiling as he fell asleep, the room finally silent and still.


	7. Fight it!

As the day's first rays of light crept silently over the hills of Balamb, gently warming the Spring earth, the glowing blue ring encircling Balamb Garden reflecting the brightness towards Heaven, a flock of birds swarmed onto the trees surrounding the Quad and began their Dawn Chorus.  
This gentle singing was the alarm call for most of Garden's inhabitants, who resented the happy, free beings while they began their daily routines of soap, cold water and hard work.

Today, Garden was supposed to be in Galbadia, helping with the annual student training day, but the enormous, floating ship was still hovering stubbornly in Balamb, above the hole in which it used to sleep.  
There had been problems with the engines and they would be a week late, so since the Gardens were all on such good terms now, both the fixed up Trabia and Galbadia gardens agreed to post-pone the gathering.

Rushing to find assignments for all the clueless students, Quistis called Squall, Zell and Rinoa and asked them to help her guide some of the younger cadets on a last minute field trip.  
Rinoa and Zell both agreed in an instant; Rinoa liked to appear mature in front of the trainees and Zell like to appear immature at every opportunity. Squall said nothing, as usual, but sighed, shook his head and looked intently at Quistis, waiting for her to assign duties.

Each SeeD was put in charge of 10 students and told to head for the Gaulg Mountains, where she and Headmaster Cid himself would give a demonstration on how to successfully defeat Glacial Eyes.

"I don't see why we have to do this" Squall muttered to the back of Zell's bouncing head.

"It's fun!"

"We could have had a lie in for once..."

The three groups trudged on through the seedy grass, Rinoa keeping her group especially close to Squall's as she relentlessly attacked him with kisses, pokes, tugs and the linking of arms. Squall could hardly do anything to stop her, after all, this is what teenage girls did when they were dating. He sighed deeply in response to the children's giggles and whispers, reminding himself that they would almost be at the mountains.  
Finally letting go of her boyfriend, Rinoa lagged behind a little, to tell her uninterested group about the undeniable beauty of a wildflower she'd almost trodden on.

Squall sped up. Not so much as to be noticed by anyone, but anough to escape her clinginess for the rest of the journey. Relaxing his tense shoulders somewhat and placing his cold hands back into the security of his jacket pockets, he span around suddenly, hearing a piercing scream.  
Rinoa was stood, rigid and white, pointing at the ground with an extended, shaking index finger.

/Someone step on her plant?/

As the three groups wandered a little closer to the scared girl, Quistis and Cid ran over to them from the direction of the Gaulgs.

"What happened?!" yelled Quistis, who was never one for dramatics.

Rinoa turned slowly to face them and choked on her own words.

"It....it moved!" she whispered, wide-eyed.

As she finished her sentence, the earth beneath them began to tremble and rise. Quistis grabbed Rinoa and they rushed the children to a safer distance, leaving Zell and Squall to ready weapons and prepare for a fight. Cid mumbled something as he weakly raised his aging fists, before Quistis took pity on him and called him away to an extremely important task. The two boys glanced at each other, confused, as the creature before them continued to tower above them; a low, rumbling groan being emitted from wherever it's mouth was buried under the mass of red, scaly tentacles billowing above them.  
Neither of them knew what it was, but had no time to find out, as a swift blow to Squall's side let them know it meant business.  
Winded, Squall hacked off the tentacle which had struck him and wobbled forwards to aim a blow towards it's body.

/What IS this thing?!/

"This thing stinks!" Zell called out, as he darted around the thing, landing blows where he could, almost dancing with it's swaying tentacles.

Quistis looked frantically around at the children and the area around them.

"It looks like a Malboro....!"

"But Quisty, it's red..." Rinoa retorted, feeling on top of the world now she had 40 cadets hearing her outsmarting an instructor.

"Yes, I see that, Rinoa. But it is still, most certainly, a Malboro. Why it's red and why it's HERE, I don't know...and I also don't know how to help those two...my whip is back at the foot of the Gaulgs...I shouldn't have left it....."

Suddenly, one of the fighting figures on the horizon fell clumsily to a blow by a large, unforgiving tentacle arm. It was Zell. The tentacle's sharp hit had reopened the wound across his stomach that Squall had only seen the night before and blood seeped through the boy's thin shirt, oozing from every fibre.

"Zell!"

Squall dived at the monster, slicing off the tentacle that had surprised the pair of them and raced to the blonde's side, fumbling for a potion from his breast pocket. Pouring the biting, hot liquid down Zell's throat, he was bitten by the creature, which dizzied him and made his vision blurry. As he stumbled backwards, confused by his spinning, blurry vision and the fog in his mind, the red beast lunged for Zell.

/No.../

Squall closed his eyes and followed the smell of the thing with his blade, standing in-between the floored SeeD and it. The hazy redness reeled back and SQUEALED, before squirting something cloudy and dark over them. Zell couldn't handle any more and passed out, leaving the sightless, dizzy Squall alone in the fight. The same sightless, dizzy Squall who was now feeling a dull, cold stiffness creep up his legs and into the muscles in his thighs, coursing up to his torso and tightening every inch of his arms, hands and fingers.

"Quistis! We have to get them out of there!" came a hopeless whimper from behind the crowded, frightened students, as Rinoa ran behind the group and tried to get her bearings. "How far is your whip?"

"Too damned far, Rinoa! We'd be too late..."

"Well then my fists will have to do!" The angry girl yelled, already sprinting across the grass towards the demon monster, who was psyching itself up for Zell's death blow, now that the one with the blade was still.

Squall gazed up at the monster looming above him, fear running alongside the stiffness in his limbs, warming him through and making him shake.

/I won't let you die...I can't.../

The brave fighter's poised arms came down with a sudden slash and a tearing of foul smelling, red flesh. Dragging the edge of his gunblade through the thing, he twisted his arms to free up his shoulders and leaned into his weapon, running the creature through, turning away from the stinking blood which gushed like a geyser over his arms. The beast collapsed and with it, fell a defeated warrior, his stained weapon falling from his hands as he sank to his bruised and broken knees, a devastated Rinoa reaching his side only fast enough to catch him in her arms and cry as she rocked his cold body.

* * *

Blinking slowly as he looked around him, he could see the familiar, white walls and the small desk, covered with a thick layer of papers and an unhooked telephone, which told him this was the infirmary. Swallowing delicately, he tried to wet his dry mouth and stretched his legs slowly, each bruise throbbing to let him know he was alive. The breeze flowing through the fluttering blinds caressed his sore skin and refreshed him sightly, making him yawn, taking in fresh air and expelling the sleep from his system.  
To his right, lay an identical bed to his own, made with the same, sterile, white sheets and the same impossibly warm, white blanket on top. He rolled onto his side and rubbed his nose slowly with the side of his hand.  
The boy in that bed looked not at all alive. His mouth was tight shut and curved sightly downwards, as if in constant anger and pain; his eyes were shut and still, keeping the beautiful, pale blue eyes a secret; his hair lolling onto the thin pillow below his head, as if it, too, had no life in it and was unable to hold the well-groomed shape it usually did.

Now it was time for the arms to be stretched out, as he pushed himself up and sat, his tired vision stabilising. He let himself slide off the bed, putting faith in his still half numb legs to hold him steady. He wobbled towards the other boy, the gown someone had clothed him in, of the same, sterile, blank, white cotton, hung delicately against his body and gathered in wrinkles on the edge of the second bed as he leaned over it. Reaching across with his left arm, he gently brushed aside a few, stray hairs which had rested across the boy's face.

"Squall..."

Zell gazed down at him, only inches away from his face, breathing in the warm, silky smell emanating from him.

"...Squall?"

The birds outside sang on, as if nothing was wrong in the world and a few papers on the desk rippled in the breeze.  
The gown brushed against the sheets with a quiet, whispering shush, as Zell sank silently to the ground in despair. Grasping one of the metal legs of the bed and hugging it tightly, he whimpered and cowered from the world.

"DAMNIT!" he yelled tearfully, shuffling ever closer to the cold, metal bar, as if it were the only thing in life left to hold on to.

Quistis, Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine trudged through the doors and into the room, silent, apart from the click clacking of their shoes on the tile foor. Hearing their approaching footsteps Zell shuffled behind the bar, further under Squall's bed, not wanting to be talked to by anyone. The footsteps stopped abruptly at the feet of the two beds; the one with Squall lying in and the empty, unmade one. There was a shuffling noise and someone coughed nervously.

"Zell...?"

Selphie calmly bent down to Zell's level, not attempting to get any closer to him, obviously sensing how fragile he was.

"Zell...he's going to be OK..."

/...No he's not...he's going to die...and it's my fault!/  
"No...I...he's gonna..."

"...be OK..." she repeated encouragingly, nodding slightly and patting the polished floor with her fingertips as she'd have patted his knees if he had been closer. "Guys...we should come back in a minute" she stated, as the blonde rubbed his eyes and turned away from her.

Selphie stood up and, holding Irvine's hand, walked silently from the room, closely followed by a reluctant Rinoa and Quistis.  
The emotional blonde dragged himself out and up and stared down at Squall, frowning and shaking his head.

"You saved my fucking life and look what it did! Squall...I HATE you! I'm...I'm not supposed to-" he broke off mid-sentence and turned to his own bed, grabbing his usual outfit from the foot, impatiently pulling on his clothes and leaving the room.


	8. Teenage Kicks

Being allowed to leave the infirmary, Squall had taken to his own bed to rest. The smell of instant coffee lingered in the air, giving away his secret journeys to and from the kettle every fifteen minutes.

He wriggled awkwardly, trying to find the comfortable spot he'd just left and failing that, he lay still, his head sinking halfway through his own, fluffy pillow which he'd never before appreciated quite so much.

A few days of lonely sleeplessness passed before finally, Zell knocked on his door with the familiar, though unusually slower, rat-a-tat-thump. He slunk into the room, rubbing his hands nervously and trying not to seem uncomfortable.  
Squall put the kettle on again and made small talk, to get the bag of nerves to just return to being Zell.

"That's good coffee, thanks. Fresh?"

"Freshly opened jar" shrugged Squall, smirking; to him, coffee was coffee was coffee.

Zell grinned and gazed out of the window to watch the birds which were dancing to and fro with each other.

"Squall...? What's with...you and Rin? I mean, you're pretty much engaged, right?"

Squall nodded his head and sipped his coffee loudly.

"So...why....?"

Sighing, Squall placed his mug on the side and sank down onto the bed, leaning his long arms over the headboard and scratched behind his ear as he stretched his legs. He stared at Zell for a while, frowning slightly every once in a while, his breathing betraying his wish to speak, but not knowing how.

"She....she helped me. When I was where you are now. I mean...your situation...'Cause she pulled me out and then thought I loved her. I guess I don't...but...I couldn't hurt her now" he shook his head and gave a lopsided smile, tying to explain "I can't hurt her when she saved me. And...and it's the best way, to get over it. That...you know..."

"What is?"

"...Sex. Someone to talk to. And someone to...fuck..."

"Couldn't you just tell her you're-"

"Nah. Childhood trauma, she's phobic. Can't stand the thought of it, makes her throw up..."

"Ah...yeah...I heard about her dad..."Zell half grinned, throwing back the last mouthful of his bitter drink.

"And without telling her that, alls I got is "It's not you, its me" "

Squall chuckled mockingly and leaned back, the evening sun glowing orange on his face. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, making the shadows on his stomach rise and fall playfully. Zell glanced down to admire his bare chest, perfect and tanned.

"Zell, it IS the best way" The basking brunette repeated.

"That a hint?" Zell chuckled "Want me to say I want you to do me?"

Raising his head to examine Zell's reaction to his own question, he smiled broadly and returned to the sun.

"Well yeah....but that's not why I'm telling you. Whoever it is, you just need to...get over it. You said it yourself-You don't really want to fuck anyone...that's my point. ...That's what he's done to you."

An embarrassed, awkward silence returned to the room; the sun adding fiery colours to what was already a fiery subject.

"I can't believe I feel for it again" Zell muttered "You'd think being sober would help me fight him, but..."

He stood up angrily and threw his jacket on the bed as he placed one fist on his hip and rubbed the other across his forehead roughly.

"But he played you? "I love you bla bla bla"? You know it isn't true, but it stops you fighting like you should..."

"Mm"

"He went back to you because he knew you could still be had. You're a target, Zell."

"And what's your point, Squall?"

"Get over it! That's my fucking point!" Squall stood up, holding his left side and limping slightly, the fading light casting shadows over his face, making him seem as if he were towering above everything else. He touched Zell's cheek softly with his free hand. "I really don't care if it's me or not..but do it. Now" and he reached over to kiss Zell fully on the mouth, his delicate lips pushing against Zell's own, dry ones.

Zell stood still, not kissing back...but not pulling away.  
As Squall finally withdrew and held the boy's face, Zell was breathing deeply , eyes closed, his lips still parted. Squall bent his head so that his mouth was next to Zell's ear and bit his lip for courage.

"Zell...tell me what you want"

"I...I want...you" he whispered back, opening his eyes to look up into Squall's calm face, hoping he wasn't the only one blushing anxiously.

The response was instant, as his mouth was repossessed by Squall's and the two interlocked forms stumbled clumsily to the bed, both of them giggling at how hard it actually was for Squall to walk normally.  
Squall took complete control of the situation, pushing Zell down onto the bed first and sitting on top of him, resting a hand on Zell's chest. Zell closed his eyes, still half scared of what was happening. A single soft kiss was planted on his lips, which calmed him all through his body

Squall grasped at Zell's chest, getting turned on just at the sight of him laid on his bed. He slowly slid up the white shirt which was hiding the beautiful, scarred body beneath, kissing every inch of skin as it was revealed.

Zell moaned softly, afraid of how he would sound, reacting to the twinges in his stomach and the chill in his skin.  
The shirt was pulled off completely and the duvet was pulled over them both, making the moment as intimate and private as possible.  
As Squall undid the zip of the shorts beneath him, continuously kissing and sucking at his chest, Zell couldn't help but let out an almost silent cry,

"...Squall..."

Grinning and shaking his head happily as he glanced up to the boy whispering his name, Squall pulled the boy's shorts down, slowly, gently, stroking the smooth, skinny legs they presented. He threw the shorts on the floor, planting kisses all the way up the muscular thighs, across the boxer shorts and onto his stomach.  
Zell was very aroused by now, his underwear tightly containing him, which only added to the excitement.

Squall traced a line all the way down the bulging boxers with his index finger and gripped the elastic waistband with his other hand before pulling them down, eagerly revealing Zell's whole naked body to him. Although his body was perfect in Squall's eyes, he could see plainly just how damaged Zell was, by the faint silver lines of scars past and the firey red marks of healing wounds.

Sliding upwards to kiss Zell again, Squall leaned on his forearms, one at each side of Zell's head, the blonde grasping the back of his neck and the smooth arch in his back. He pulled Squall down enough to feel him rubbing against his own erection.  
This spurred Squall into action, as, suddenly, he became less gentle and more passionate, frantically kissing his neck and grasping at the blonde hair tickling his cheeks. His kisses moved downwards, across his chest as he gripped Zell's hips with both hands, squeezing him hard and planting one kiss on his bellybutton before kneeling backwards and smiling nervously.

"...You sure you want to do this...?"

"Ssshh..." Zell warned, as he sat up to kiss Squall once again, holding him tightly against him, their naked skin sticking together with an uneasy, lustful sweat.

Suddenly feeling courageous, Zell swept them both round, switching positions; it was his turn to do the undressing now and he leaned Squall back to unbutton his black jeans. Gazing down into his eyes, glittering in what moonlight crept beneath the covers pulled high over their heads.  
His eyes were full of desire, of want, of pleasure and they shimmered and sparkled as if he were going to cry.

He sat over squall's shins, undoing the buckles on his unnecessary belts and pulled them out from under his legs. He pulled down the zip of his fly and slid the jeans down the pale, slim legs, yet again, perfect.  
Zell stared at Squall's almost fully exposed body, bewildered by the perfection and beauty hidden from the world.

"You're gorgeous..." he muttered, mainly to himself.

Squall lay, silent, smiling upward, biting his bottom lip in an attempt to stop his sudden urge to dive on the smaller blonde and smother him with his passion.  
Zell pulled back the dark blue, satin boxer shorts and seeing his commander completey vulnerable for the first time, he took a deep breath and smiled seductively at him, before crawling up over him, leaning down so that their breath fused in midair and their faces felt as if they were touching. The heat from each other's bodies made them breathe ever faster, which made the heat flow across their faces, making it hard to breathe at all.

Zell moved downwards ever so sightly so that their excited bodies rubbed together, Squall quivering and closing his eyes, lost in desire.  
He couldn't hold back any longer; his body needed to take action and he threw Zell under him kissing him deeply, running his body up and down over Zell's, the friction driving him wild.

He turned Zell onto his side gently, sucking at his neck, leaving a string of faint, red love bites across his skin. He held the boy close, lovingly, finding a comfortable position where he could ease himself into Zell's achingly hot body.

He did it slowly, making sure he wasn't hurting the fragile boy in his arms. He moaned a little and started kissing Zell's neck again and he slid all the way in. Zell was gripping one of his arms and grasping a corner of the duvet with his other hand, moaning incoherently, every now and then muttering something along the lines of

"Oh....Squall....Hyne..."

Squall moved Zell in his arms, rocking him to the beat of their merged bodies, sweat pouring from his whole, tense body. He reached down to see how loud he could actually make Zell scream, but he was already at the height of his pleasure and as soon as he felt Squall's warm hand, his name burst from Zell's shuddering lips and he pulled the bedclothes even tighter, digging his short nails into Squall's arm.

With the feel of Zell around him, his muscles contracting in ecstasy, Squall could feel himself burning up and pulled Zell even closer to him, holding him even tighter round his waist.

The two boys ended it together and rocked gently in sync, gasping and shuddering and clawing at each other for stability and reassurance.

Squall pulled himself out of Zell and collapsed backwards onto the bed, red and totally out of breath, holding his hand to his throbbing forehead. Zell turned slowly to look at him, turned back and hugged the duvet tightly.

"Zell...?"

Zell sniffed, shook slightly and again lay in silence.

"Zell, what is it? What's wrong?"

"..I..I feel..dirty...and cruel and..." and he collapsed into the mass of tears he had been back in the infirmary.

Crying out through the tears, his eyes shut, he turned to Squall.

"Hyne Squall, I...feel horrible!"

"Hey hey....hey..." Squall whispered as he held him close hushing him and stroking the back of his head like he was parent to a distraught child. " didn't think I'd be THAT bad" he jested.

"No....I...it was..." Zell looked up into Squall's smiling eyes, the salt tears blurring everything "It was...great, but I..." he rubbed his face roughly and sadly smiled to his lover, frowning "...Your sheets..."

"Oh Hyne, Zell! The sheets?!" Squall laughed uncontrollably, holding Zell tight again "You stupid fuck, that's what they're there for!" He held Zell's face in his hands, still laughing into Zell's agonised face. "Is that what it was?!"

Zell nodded and bit his lip

"...And I...I um...don't exactly know how to say it, but...I, love you, Squall...I....I love you..."

Squall's hands loosed themselves from Zell's face and his face turned pale as he let him go completely.

"No, you don't. Don't do this, please..."

"What-"

"Zell...this is what happened with Rinoa...and I don't...and you don't...you can't! ...it...no..." his face warmed a little and he smiled "Any more lunacy? Or do I have to tickle it out of ya?!" and he pulled a playful, teasing face that Zell had never seen before.

Squall dived onto Zell, tickling his stomach like he was five, forcing Zell into fits of uncontrollable, painful laughter as Squall clambered on top of the writhing boy, pinning him down as he continued the game. Zell was still laughing after Squall had finished, his throat aching as he looked up at the boy sat naked on top of him, glancing at his dark, damp hair falling over his face, his shimmering, muscular arms which were holding his own and his toned chest rising and falling almost in union with his.

"Squall, why don't you leave?"

"Leave?"

"Leave Balamb...and forget Rinoa"

"I can't. I promised her. ...And I don't want to be alone again..." Pain and sadness hung heavy in his voice, cutting through his whole body with every word, remembering all the years he had spent with no-one. "I can't leave her, I said I'd be here, that I'd always be with her...I won't go back on a promise."

"But you can't pretend forever!"

"I know..."

"Are you so afraid of being alone?"

Squall laid, relaxed, in the bed, resting his head back on his arms and losing his eyes.

"It's the only thing I'm scared of."

"You know...you wouldn't BE alone...I won't leave you. Whatever you do, I'll be here with you, I-"

"NO! No, Zell, don't!" Squall yelled as he covered zell's mouth with his hand, dreading the next word, the word which Zell spoke into the palm of his hand, the vibrations of his promise running up his arm and making him dizzy.

Squall sank back into the security of the bed, shivering.

"Look....Squall...Rinoa, she..." Zell sat up, covering his lower half with the duvet, sitting cross legged, looking sternly down at Squall. "She told me not to tell you, but..." he touched a shivering hand gently with his fingertips "She's moving back to Timber next month. She's leaving you. She still loves you, but-"

"Why?" Squall winced and took in a painful breath.

"She thought you had some stuff going on and she said that being apart would make things clearer."

"So I'm..."

"Yeah...you can leave. You're not breaking your promise."

With a releaved, yet sad sigh, Squall pulled Zell under the covers one last time, each of them clinging tightly to the other as they fell asleep together, the moon smiling down through the window at the stange pair, so pained and so happy.


	9. A Fitting Explanation

"Zell? ZELL!" Squall screamed, the flinching, rolling eyes of his lover bloodshot, sightless; his jerking, writhing body too strong for Squall to hold.

The boy was shaking violently; deep, crimson red flowing from his nose and his stiff, gaping mouth. His eyes focused on nothing.  
The bed shook as Squall, terrified, leapt off and pulled on his trousers. Almost falling over himself, he tore open the door and shouted for Dr. Kadowaki, hoping someone, anyone, would hear and bring her to help.  
Students massed outside their dorms, all half dressed and fully awake, both frightened and intrigued. The constant hum of gossip echoed down the corridor like a large, run-down refrigerator.

As the doctor waddled hastily through the crowd, the drone quietened, as the cadets simultaneously leaned further towards the room, to eavesdrop.  
She slammed the door shut, forcing the synchronised children back to their own dorms, back to sleep.  
Squall fidgeted uneasily as the doctor examined Zell, now still and unconscious.

"Is he OK?"

"The bleeding's stopped, but..." she gestured towards the boy's stomach with a quick nod of the head "...but where did he get the wounds on his back and abdomen?"

"You don't know? ...He fought, with Seifer. I thought you knew?"

The chunky doctor shook her head pensively and turned her gaze towards the blood soaked sheets of Squall's bed. "We should get him to the infirmary; give him a thorough check and keep him in for rest and such."

The doctor rang the infirmary and asked for a stretcher to be sent and a bed to be freshly made for a patient. Squall went to the door to wait, crossing his arms and occasionally brushing his gaze over the sick boy he had been laid with, only moments ago.

* * *

"Well, the wound in his back had reopened and he lost a substantial amount of blood, but he's stable now. He's been awake...briefly...but he wasn't lucid. He did ask for you, though, in the middle of his strange ramblings. Squall? Don't be scared if he comes around again and doesn't make any sense."

Squall nodded and stepped into the airy room, clenching his fists so that his fingernails dug into his palms like so many hot knives, stifling the tears he knew would return otherwise.  
Zell, laid peacefully on his bed, didn't move, but with every step closer to the bed, Squall felt further and further away, everything in the room becoming tiny and distant; furniture for dolls and curtains the size of tissues rippling in the small breeze.  
The stool beside the bed seemed hardly big enough to place inside a pizza box, to stop the cheese from sticking to the lid; and the jug of water next to that, could have scarcely held a drop.

He collapsed onto the stool and closed his eyes, struggling to regain perspective, of everything.  
Zell had been healthy, only a matter of hours ago...nothing made any sense.

"I talked to Selphie" The voice from the desk behind Squall bounced across the room, louder than it meant to be and not half as informative. "There was a case like this in Winhill at some point, a long time ago, now. A woman."

"A case like what?"

"The woman died. Her husband found her hours later and used Phoenix down to revive her. They didn't know why, but it drained her life away, slowly, but surely. The say she had horrible nightmares of death and great monsters...and when they finally left her alone... 'blood fell from all holes and she fell from the world itself'. I'm looking into it...but I thought you should know."


	10. Having Fallen in Love

With a tap of his slender index finger, the ash from Squall's guilty cigarette crumbled away and was captured in a gust of cold wind, scattering it across the rippling hillside outside Garden. He sat down on the dry, soft earth, his smoking arm balancing gracefully on his one raised, bent knee. The wind sent a shiver down his neck and raised goosebumps down his arms; when ignored, the wind blew again, stronger, colder, until the boy took notice, pulled up the collar of his worn leather jacket and hugged his knee closer to him.  
As always, people were running in and out of Garden, totally focused on their tasks; busy worker ants weaving in and out and between each other, each with it's own 'important' mission; each completely useless on it's own, but every single one of them holding dear the knowledge of the safety of their numbers.  
Squall brought the cigarette to his lips and closed his eyes, taking a slow breath of comforting toxicity. As he gently released the cancerous swirls from pursed lips, watching the dancing ghosts slowly fading into the grey above him, the distant sound of bells sang out from Garden, calling to all the students, letting them know they would soon be leaving.  
The cigarette, half smoked, half wasted, leaped like an acrobat from Squall's skilled fingers, joining it's cremated remains in the wind.

The secret area was just as cold and as Garden rose from the ground, the air whipped across the small balcony with a force almost strong enough to throw Squall off his feet. Wedging his toes underneath the sturdy, rusty fencing, he pulled another cigarette from a pack in his breast pocket and guarded it well enough for a flame to light it, in spite of the wind.  
Leaning on the railing, he heard the door open behind him and close again, uneasily.  
Waiting in vain for some kind of greeting and unsure as to whether there was actually someone there or whether they had uncomfortably left, he bent his head slightly, to see over his shoulder and clenched his jaw tightly as he saw the last thing he wanted to see.

"You really shouldn't smoke so much" came the deep, calculating voice as its owner struck the thumb-wheel of his own lighter against it's flint, lighting his own, sarcastic, badly-rolled cigarette, "You'll die."

Squall turned angrily to him, his eyes hot and filled with hatred "How could you? He's jut a kid! A weak little kid..."

"He's only a year younger, Babe. Besides, I didn't do much of anything to the boy."

"Didn't do much?! Do you even know what you've done?! You KILLED him, Seifer" he rubbed his cheek roughly, desperate for understanding, "you ended his life and now he's going through it again..."

The blonde man opposite him strode intentionally slowly towards him, towering over him with a menacing shadow "Babe, don't get upset...I didn't mean it..." he whined, his face denying whatever sincerity was supposed to be placed in such a sentence, with a sneer and lowered eyes.  
The two men stared at each other in a silence obviously full of plans and calculations, before Squall stepped around Seifer and stated to walk away.

"Ah-ah-ah" Seifer corrected "I don't think so. We need...to talk" and without a sound, he pulled at Squall's passing arm and swung him round. "Don't be like that...come on..."  
Each, fake word bubbling from the playful, intimidating sulk which Seifer so expertly played, made Squall feel more uneasy and anxious about what this man was planning next. He knew Seifer liked to play games with his victims, but he was so unpredictable and Squall had no idea when the games would stop and what his next move would be.  
Until now, Squall had always scoffed at the success of such psychological attacks, with a raised eyebrow and two readied fists, but recently, Seifer had been stronger, smarter, more uncontrollable than ever and perhaps now, it was time to immerse himself in Seifer's strangeness and play for himself.  
He cocked his head to one side and raised his free hand to take a drag of his cigarette. He stepped forward, so that both their bodies touched aggressively and blew the smoke into Seifer's smiling face.

"I'm not scared of you, Seifer. I hate you...but I don't fear you. All you've ever done is aim to prove you were better than me...braver than me, stronger and more dominant than me. And guess what? I have never cared. Not a bit. I could deal with you hurting me directly; sabotaging my life for the pathetic fulfillment of your own...but you've crossed the line. Zell had nothing to do with me, which means you've either acknowledged defeat and moved on, or you think you've proved all you can and needed a fresh challenge. Either way...and it makes no difference...I've got you all figured out...and you lose," Squall pushed his chest against Seifer, forcing him to step backwards with confused, painful steps, "So, Babe...what's next?" the pair reached the railing and Squall kept pushing, Seifer leaning back over the cold bar in his back, "Are you not going to do anything?" He tugged his arm loose of Seifer's grip and reached up to grab the blonde's long neck and pull him down. Squall clung to the taller boy's body, forcing him into a passionate, hateful kiss; as deep and as forceful as Seifer ever did. His tongue flowed viciously inside the stunned mouth, sucking away every last, shocked breath until Seifer could no longer breathe and pushed Squall away with all the strength he had. Seifer wiped away the saliva from his panting mouth with the sleeve of his windswept trenchcoat and seemed genuinely speechless for the first time in his entire existence; his arm retracted and his hand swept across his mouth, revealing a wide, amused grin.

To Squall's horror, Seifer chuckled and took a deep, successful breath. "Got me figured, eh? Well, good. It's about time." He brushed a thoughtful hand across his jaw, stroking his chin with his fingertips and holding onto his neck, which he then leaned from one side, slowly to the other, cracking it loudly. "If you've got me figured, you know what comes next, then(?)"  
Suddenly, Seifer lunged through the wind and pinned Squall against the nearest wall, holding him by the throat. His breath, heavy and arrogant, burned Squall's face. "You made the first move...so enjoy it."

Seifer returned Squall's vigorous kiss, pushing his mouth so hard onto Squall's that the unwilling boy could hardly kiss back, had he wanted to. Squall's wrists burned as Seifer's controlling grip crushed them, strangling the blood of his hands and trapping them against the rough bricks of the cold, uncared for wall at his back. As his knuckles started to bleed, his struggles only causing more pain, he tried to turn his head away from the violation he now so regretted initiating.

Seifer abruptly released him, red and bleeding, and kept his hands poised as if he were still holding him; he raised his head curiously to peer down at Squall over the bridge of his nose and his half open mouth.  
Squall's chest heaved as he regained his breath, as silently as he could manage to and lowered his arms, briefly checking the condition of his broken skin. He waited for whatever torment Seifer was blatantly preparing for.

"I'm still making an effort, Chickadee, but you just won't play. You should really learn to be nice every once in a while," Seifer glanced casually at the door, standing less than a metre away from him and calmly lowered both arms, his open hands relaxing naturally into half-fists before his arm shot up underneath the handle of the door he'd examined; the sharp force of his crooked elbow jamming the weak metal upwards, transforming it into an unconventional bolt.

"Seifer...I've had enough. I've had enough of trying to work out your stupid games, I've tried ignoring you, playing along, fighting...it's all useless and I'm just fed up. What we had was NOTHING! I'm sorry about it all, I am...but you've become a real asshole, man. I mean, come on...me, I could totally forgive, I hurt you and it's just YOU to take revenge and prove your strength...but...Zell? I don't get it..."

"He wanted it. I gave it to him."

"You don't believe that, Seif...you..._raped _him" Saying that word brought anger back to Squall's heart and he leaned forward to repeat himself through clenched teeth, "You..._raped_...him"

"Don't start again, Princess...you'd just settled into the pathetic weepiness which suits you so well...don't work yourself up again. You can't beat me. You're a loser, Squall and you can't run away this time. It's my way," Snarling, Seifer choked Squall with his bruised elbow, dragging him round to be bent backwards over the railing in a reversal of roles, gritting his teeth as Squall had done moments ago, "or the fucking highway..."

Garden flew miles above the mountains, headed for Galbadia, ignorant to the events on board, roaring through the damp clouds. One wrong move and Squall would be heading through those same, moist clouds, towards the ground.  
The wind grew stronger, whipping Squall's hair across his face relentlessly; Squall was blinded and deafened by it's howling, his remaining senses all focused on screaming 'DANGER!'.  
"Back off, yeah?" Squall almost begged Seifer, as he pushed gently, his touch negotiating the situation.

"Scared? I thought you were meant to be 'lion-like' and strong?" Seifer denied negotiations by bending Squall almost double over the bars, Squall's feet barely touching the tiled, cracked ground.

"Seifer, come ON!" Squall turned desperately to measure the fall below him, the actual distance masked by layers upon layers of grey and white, which themselves looked miles away.

"I thought you were supposed to be brave! I thought you were always right?! I thought you were MIGHTY?!" Seifer flung him to the ground by the door, glaring crazily down at him. He flung his arms high into the busy air in anger, his trenchcoat flapping wildly around his thin waist, "I thought you would always FIGHT me?!"

Squall rose from his dusty heap, wiping away the one, terrified tear that had managed to escape and he trudged easily up to the monster before him. He shrugged off his jacket, cigarettes falling clumsily to the ground as he lifted it in one hand and gave it to the wind. It vanished into the clouds and gusts as Seifer studied it's shrinking form.  
"It's your way, now, remember?" Squall stated calmly, as he pulled the hem of his dark t-shirt over his head and let it tumble to the floor. His bare chest tensed and quivered as it was exposed to the cold air, each toned muscle nervously shuddering.

Seifer stood like a statue, evaluating every, unexpected, captivating move, not daring to make one of his own until he knew Squall's strange motive. Squall reached an arm out to touch Seifer's silken cheek, "I hope you're not getting shy, now..." he teased "I really am waiting...you shouldn't have stopped..." he placed one arm each side of Seifer, resting his bruised arms on the frozen metal and nuzzled Seifer's poised chin with his nose and gently kissed along his neck and across his jawline.  
Seifer, skeptical as ever, knew Squall couldn't be serious...it wasn't possible and he would be an idiot to believe that it was, but still he closed his eyes and rolled his head backwards, his parted lips betraying longing, as the breath from them became faster and deeper. Squall's mouth brushed against his own; not possessively as before, but soft and tender.  
Memories flooded through Seifer's mind, happy, distant memories and sadly, he raised a hand to stroke the back of Squall's neck as he kissed back; desperate to dive back into those times when they had been like this together.  
Squall broke the embrace and looked up, his eyes darting to and fro between Seifer's, both boys shedding silent tears, "And you also shouldn't have pulled me back up..."

Squall's sad mouth rose into a cruel, lopsided grin, his eyes twinkling not only with tears, but with anger, hate and victory. He leaned forward and whispered harshly into trembling ears "I beat you..." and he pushed both arms hard into Seifer's hollow chest, forcing him backwards, over the ledge and into the unknown below. His light trenchcoat engulfed him as he sank through the thin air, his terrified, heartbroken face the last thing Squall saw.

Collapsing to the ground in a quivering, sobbing mass, Squall curled up and rocked himself to sleep, the hostile wind rushing around him, an avengeful blanket of cold, bringing with it not only waves of trembling, freezing flesh, but punishing nightmares made of memories; dreams; falling, heartbroken faces and the feeling that the soul Squall was sure he once had, was no longer there.  
As he slept, Garden thundered through the sky, leaving behind the mountains, the clouds and the cold, until it's cold, blue glow was once again visible, illuminating the otherwise green landscape. The mountains which had become Seifer's last resting place were far behind; distant specks of brown and white. Garden and ll the people within, still oblivious to all that had happened, were heading straight for Galbadia Garden, now visible and as beautiful as any of the Gardens.

Squall dreamed of the mountains they had passed and the man from his past who slept there. Sleeping, but never to rest...as Squall was doing now, as he flew closer to the rest of his life.


	11. Last Note:How it Would Have Ended

A.N.  
Really sorry to enyone who was still interested in this story, it's been a long time since the last update and those who were interested have probably forgotten everything by now...which I think is for the best.  
I won't be updating this story again...I brought all the old notes to type the end today and I couldn't bring myself to do it. It's awful. It's an awful story. It hasn't been SO bad so far, VERY OOC, but not too bad. But you should see the rest. o_O

In short, Galbadian law meant Squall would have to have the lethal injection...Quistis was Seifer's sister but they didn't know until they'd slept together and she was pregnant. Zell didn't want to live without Squall, so before the pointless trial, Squall injected him with something or other and killed him so they could be together in the ever after. The trial WASN'T pointless afterall and due to Squall's heroics he was granted a pardon...but then he'd killed Zell, so he WAS given the lethal injection.  
Awful, right?

Thought I'd give you the rest in short so you can see just how craptastic it all is. Sorry... D= 


End file.
